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Barely Forty and Already Slacking

I haven't logged into blog {that rhymes}, since the day after I turned forty which was over two weeks ago.  I haven't checked any of my favorite blogs either except for one or two cheeky gossip blogs while eating lunch at work and have barely even read the news. 

First I was sick.  Really sick.  So sick I called in sick.  And I never do that, but it felt good and the three days that I just layed around in bed all day were actually really great.  The next few days after that, that I was still sick but didn't call in sick, were not so fun.  But I think I finally am starting to feel better.

Work has been crazy.  So crazy that I read my personal emails and am simply too tired to even respond to my friends.  This is not good.  

Whenever I think about just taking a long break from blogging and just enjoying my nights, I get an email from someone like Ela, who says she reads my blog religiously and then I feel compelled to keep going. 

Compelled and guilt for having started this as a love letter to my girls, and what would they think if I stopped after three years.....

Who knows what the future holds, but for now I will try to stay focused on my girls and continue to capture all the special and magical things they do so I can taunt them with them later in life!

And thanks Ela and everyone else that reads and enjoys my blog, for motivating me to get my ass in front of my computer when it would rather be laying face down in my bed.

Joining the Club

Welcome to the Club!!

I must have heard that phrase five times yesterday, all said by completely different people.  The club that I joined was the Forty Plus Club.

Mentally, leaving my thirties behind has not been the easiest transition, but I had a great day filled with tons of loving birthday wishes from family and friends and it was such an awesome feeling.

I don't remember anyone saying welcome to the club when I turned thirty, and I totally get it now.  There's something about turning forty, coming to grips with the fact that time is passing and you simply can't escape it, no matter how much you want to, because in your mind and your heart you are still only twenty-eight.

That's my number, twenty-eight.  That's how old I feel.  I was twenty-eight when I got married and that was a great age, and that's how old I feel. 

The welcome to the club thing, was like a light bulb that just went off for me yesterday. How could this light bulb feeling have happened so quickly?  That I can't tell you, but now I just get it.

I get that IT, is a rite of passage for every single person that has passed this milestone.  Every single person that feels twenty-eight, but the years say forty, and that is THE ONLY real proof that you are forty.

I haven't been asked how old I am yet, so I haven't had the chance to say forty and truthfully I need a little more time with this one before I fully embrace it, but I will get there.

One thing I have learned in my first forty years, is that getting older is weird, even if you do it gracefully and don't mind it, it is weird.  Your body changes, your face changes, spots begin to appear where they were never spots before, things sag, recovering from events is harder, cookies stay on your hips longer....

It is weird. 

One of my goals for the next decade is to slow down, to enjoy my life and where I am in it so I don't feel like it all went too fast, but rather at just the right speed.

Social Juggling

I would not be exaggerating if I told you that I spent half of my day yesterday organizing my girls social calendars.

 

Every Friday I have five or six entries listed on my Outlook calendar that give me a sneak peak into what lies ahead for that weekend. Belle usually has a lacrosse game, a soccer game and an extra lacrosse practice with a different team.  Lily has a soccer game and a lacrosse practice and each event is usually on the complete opposite end of the island, at the same time.  

 

This week, Drew and I started planning out how we could manage the logistics on Monday morning.  How does this happen when I only have two kids.  How on earth do people manage it with three or four kids?

 

And then, factor in the added pressures of scheduling playdates. 

 

I offered up either April 30th or May 13th as potential dates that could work for a sleepover to one of Belle's friends.  When I sent the email to her Mother I felt so foolish because it was further out than dates I use to plan business meetings. 

 

We are talking about two ten year olds here, and mine is fully booked on Friday and Saturday evenings until May 13th. Granted  some of those activities are family-related, but half of those are playdates or sleepovers with friends. 

 

There are weeks at a time that  Drew and I declare as playdate-free, but then I hear about all the other kids and the playdates and sleepovers they are having with each other and I feel pressure to keep up so that my girls remain in the loop.

 

I am not a pushover and I can certainly put my foot down when needed, but I have to admit that I don't want my girls to miss out socially, and I question whether that will that happen if they don't have as many playdates as other kids.

 

Do you remember when you were a kid and your group of friends had an experience that you missed out on and then they continued to talk about it like....remember that time when...... and you would say, what are you talking about?  And they would say, oh inside joke, or you had to be there.

 

Remember those phrases and how awful they left you feeling, I do.

 

Balance is key.

 

Balance is key and I am a firm believer in giving plenty of downtime to my girls so they can explore and create and think freely.  But finding the right balance is so hard and knowing what to skip and what not to skip can leave you second guessing yourself constantly. 

One thing I do know for sure is that if I put one sixteenth the amount of effort into my own social life as I do into my girls, I would be pretty freaking rocking.

One Big Little Voice

I apologize for what you are about to read and all of the other mushy love notes to my girls recently, actually mostly Belle*, but she has been experiencing a tremendous amount of transformative events in her world and since the whole purpose behind this blog is to be a living, breathing love note to them, I have to make sure I capture it all.  In all of the glorious {to me}, perhaps boring {to you}, minute details. 

*  And as any parent knows, because there has been so much about Belle and all of her many accomplishments, my Lily after reading this, may begin to develop quite a complex.  So this coming month, I am going to bring it all back around and focus on some of Lily's amazing accomplishments as she approaches her eighth year of life. 

But one more for Belle first...

My lovely little Belle:

I'll never forget the first time I ever heard you sing.  It was 2002, you were just barely one and you were strapped into your car seat.  You were the fussiest baby especially in the car, but the one thing that always calmed you down was when we played music and turned it up really loudly.

One day we were playing Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, and we could hear you singing from the back seat.  This struck Daddy and I as so funny, because you couldn't even talk yet and here you were singing the melody of this song and holding the note when she did.  It was like a reflex, every single time we turned on that song, you mellowed out and would hold this one note just like she did, "don't you bring me down todaaaayyy......"

You could barely string two words together, but there you were strapped into that car seat, finally facing forward!, belting out Christina Aguilera.

The next chapter happened many years later, although when I think about it, it had actually been happening all along, but this time someone pointed it out to me, so I noticed.  You used to and still do, walk around the house making up songs and singing at the top of your lungs.

We had just moved into our new house and all the windows were opened, and my friend came to get me to go out.  She could hear you from her car when she pulled up and she said, "wow, I thought Katie was good but holy shit can Belle sing."

"Really?" I said, quite surprised.  I was thinking a little more along the lines of, "man is this kid ever going to shut it up so I get one minute of quiet, EVER?"

But the most memorable time for me was about a year ago, we were in the car headed home and we were listening to Demi Lovato.  You sang along to one of her songs, and I nearly just about fell over.  Dad and I exchanged glances, he noticed the astonished/what the hell just happened look on my face, and he just shook his head.  He shook his head and whispered, "she's really got something."

Ever since that moment, I knew singing was something that was special for you, something that made you special.   

This past Friday night, you had your first talent show and sang the Paramore acoustic version of the Foo Fighters song, Hero.  After having practiced it for a month and being all ready to go, you got a cough that made you sound like you smoked two packs of butts the night before.

But, you rose above.  You sang your song in front of probably two hundred people and you rocked it out. Seeing you walk out across that stage to grab the mic was so incredible for me and I thought back to that day in the car almost nine years ago, when your Dad and I turned around so suspiciously when we heard you singing that song.  Our baby, in her car seat, not able to talk yet but belting out a Christina Aguilera song. 

You continue to surprise me and sometimes when you sing, I can't help myself from crying.  How can one little girl who sprang forth from a woman who couldn't hold a note if her entire life depended on it, sound so beautiful?  {Thank god for Drew.}

I adore you and look forward with much anticipation, to all of the beautiful songs that you will sing over the course of your life.

I will always be your biggest fan.

Love always,
Mommy