heyMamas

It Could Always Be Worse

My sister always tells me whenever either of us throws ourselves a pity party {which does not happen often as we are extremely well grounded and thankful for our lives}, "it could always be worse" or as my boss likes to say "I mean, c'mon we are not in Afghanistan here."

So Monday morning as I rolled over to turn off my cell phone alarm that I have come to despise so much, I wondered how it is that I manage to get up and get into work so early, five days a week. 

How do people do it, day after day?  Leave their families, the comfort of their home to haul ass to work? To possibly take shit from their boss, deal with annoying co-workers (not you Karen, promise), deal with a miserable commute, and the list could just keep going...... 

And a Monday morning is that much harder, and a cold, wintery New York City Monday morning is even worse. So I sat and pondered how exactly it is that I get up out of my bed, my California King sized bed that I swear is the most comfortable bed I have ever laid on.  Although the flip side of my love for the bed, is Drew's hatred of the bed, he feels like he sinks right into the middle of it. 

Last year when we moved into our new house, our movers thought it was a good idea to fold the mattress in half for the eight or so hours it took to make it from one house to the other.  But as much as he loathes it and threatens to replace it, I love it and can't get enough of it. 

Back to my pity party.  So Monday morning, I got up at 5:45am as I do everyday, got ready, left my house and arrived at the train station only to find everyone standing OUTSIDE the train car when they should be sitting comfortably INSIDE the train car.

We stood outside in the cold for thirty-five minutes ON THE COLDEST DAY OF THE YEAR TO DATE {the dial in our car said six degrees}, while I watched the Long Island Rail Road workers, unhitch seven train cars from the rest of the train, drive them away and then drive some new ones back THIRTY minutes later. 

Then there was the whole re-hitching the cars process and hmm, this is fun BUT I WEAR DRESSES TO WORK!!  I thought I was going to die. So after they re-hitch the cars and we finally board the train, I arrived at work forty minutes late.

I decided after that ridiculous ordeal I should at least treat myself to the subway instead of walking the ten blocks and one avenue to my office.  Surprise, surprise.... one of the lines to the machines that sells Metrocards was broken and there were twenty-five people waiting to use the only other operating machine. 

So no dice in the pampering subway ride.  Need I remind you how desperate someone has to be to call a NYC subway ride, pampering.  I had a chill in my bones that lasted through lunch time.

Lunch time.

Lunch, now that's a whole other dysfunctional topic in my life because for someone who gets to work at 7:30am, I seem to eat my lunch closer to the time that one should be having their late afternoon snack.  When I make the stupid decision to eat lunch that late in the day, I get an unbelievably painful headache that then takes sixteen tylenol to get rid of. 

I can almost feel my liver dying a little more with each passing pill.  

So 5pm comes, it's time to go home and I walk to Penn Station only to find that my express train has been cancelled and they are combining trains with another and making it a local.  That equates to about ten stops to my house and everyone is crammed into cars that they don't belong in due to the severe overcrowding, and we have to wait at each stop for people that are in the wrong cars to make it to the right cars so they can be let off the train. 

YUP...

So I wrote this post while I was crammed in the middle of an aisle with my ass in someones face during which I start to ponder AGAIN, for the second time that day, why it is that I choose to live where I live? 

And in my ear I can hear my sister's words, it could always be worse.... 

And then it got worse, right there and then on that train. 

My phone lost it's internet connection.

My phone lost it's internet connection.  Yeah, that's right.

My calls failed, I could send any emails, get any emails, and couldn't send any text messages!!  Thank goodness I had my work blackberry or I would have been walking home. 

That night Drew tried everything he could to figure out what could have happened to my phone to make it act this way. 

He re-booted it, to no avail.  He reprogrammed it, nope, nada, nothing.  Dead.

Nothing we did could fix this thing. 

The next morning, I went to an AT&T Store and promptly found out that some clown at the local mall had added himself to my account as an authorized user, used our upgrades, bought himself three brand new iphones and in the process hijacked all of our cell phone numbers so that they no longer worked for us, but worked for him, just as I was on that train ride home.

At least I am not in Afghanistan.... 

Learning To Fly

This past Monday, a friend of mine at work gave me the following affirmation that she tears from a daily affirmation book:

 

"Daughters are not the chance to do a corrective rerun on one's own misguided youth.  They want their own misguided youth."  Pam Brown

 

After I read that, and I read it about three times to allow it to permeate my brain as well as my heart, I realized just how completely and totally true it is. 

To know it is one thing.  To know it and genuinely live BY it, it is a whole other story. 

To actually let your children fall flat on their faces at times and not jump in to prevent it from happening is almost impossible to do, but it is necessary.

I am just about to step into this world with my girls, especially Belle, as they start to navigate lots of sensitive issues, like the sex talk we just had the other night, and I want so desperately to do it right.

I want to do it right becasuse I love them so completely and I want them to grow up well adjusted, determined and over-flowing with self confidence. 

I want them to be girls that have the type of confidence that comes from within because they trust their inner voice, and not because their Mother is whispering in their ear navigating each turn for them.   

But Holy Shit!, how unbelievably hard must that be to do?

How hard must that be to watch them fail, or be rejected and have to pick themselves up and learn all the hard lessons without giving them a cheat sheet?  And even if you did give them a cheat sheet, they wouldn't believe it anyway.

Sure I can give them pointers but I can't hold them back from going through the pain or excitement of these life experiences.  And I will do my very, very best to do just that.  To sit back and allow them to have these moments because it is the right thing for them.  And my job when it comes down to it, is really just all about them.

Every Tuesday night Drew and I watch Parenthood on ABC and if you are not watching it, you should be.  It is an amazing show and not one episode goes by where I don't cry, especially when they do the last scene that is always accompanied by a great song and then shots of the family together.

Forget it, it kills me!  And then I am stuffed up when I try to roll over and go to bed.  Ruins my WHOLE entire night, but I watch it because it is that good.

So last night, the Mom of one of the young girls realizes exactly what I am talking about here and tells the daughter that she has to learn to let her fly on her own without interfering and trying to save her from hurting herself. 

And that what it's all about. 

The journey is just that, letting them fly....solo.

2011

Happy New Year 2011!  I remember exactly what Drew and I did on New Year's Eve 2000 and I can not believe it has been eleven years since then.

I hope you all had a great holiday and New Years with your family and friends.  I took a little break from heyMamas to chill with the family and we had a great time.  I am sure for many of you that were off and were able to have extended family time, when your alarm rang this morning jolting you back to reality, you probably felt just like I did.

All day I have been trying to think of something meaningful to say about this past year as I look forward to the year ahead.  One thing I have to say is this past week as I read some of my favorite blogs and browsed through their wonderful 2010 recaps, I can't help but wonder how everyone does it?

Where does everyone find the time to devote to their posts?  Yes, of course some of those blogs that I love are done by full time bloggers where it's their job to blog everyday and put wonderful memory filled posts together with handy links to past stories, but alas I am just a working mother of two, that commutes at an ungodly hour into the city, stays inside a building all day and then commutes back  home to my wonderful family.

Needless to say, as Drew and I try tirelessly to raise two solid and conscientious children, be good spouses to each other and run our household, yearly 2010 recaps are just not getting done. 

I digress, and someday.....someday when I have more time to myself and my little blog here, I too will do a yearly recap with pictures, favorite posts and maybe even some music. 

Someday.

That should be one of my resolutions.

By the way, trying to raise conscientious children in this world takes ALOT of mental energy.  

ALOT. 

If I had one theme about this past year it would probably be that.  Holy cow, did I use more mental energy than I ever thought possible trying to explain things to my two precious girls. 

I'm just saying....

One night at dinner, we went around the table and shared with eachother what our New Years Resolutions were. Each one of us talked about what we could either do more of, or be better at in the coming year.

Nothing that I contributed at that dinner inspired any special thoughts, which is why it is January 3rd and I haven't written anything yet.

But, today at work, after talking to many of my co-workers who went back to their hometowns for the break and found themselves questioning why the hell they were in New York.  Now here is a subject that sparked a meaningful thought inside me.  

They talked about why were they spending most of their money to live in a tiny shoebox apartment when they could live in their hometowns in a beautiful rental house for 1/100 of the price?  Or why do they eat out every night or buy eight hundred dollar shoes and spend the better part of their day locked in a building behind four computer screens?  Why are they tired all the time?  Why do they feel like people are more competitive here than any other place they have ever been?  Why do they do it and how long will they keep it up?

I love hearing these stories and often daydream about the quality of life in other cities.  Being a native New Yorker and only knowing one pace basically my whole life, I need these stories.  I need to know that there are better ways to live.

Inside, I know there is a better way, but I feel like I will never truly find places like that because I have nothing to compare my current existence too.   I have a crazy life.  I run all over the place every single day from morning until evening.  I never sit down, I never relax, hell I don't really even know how to relax.  I don't.  I am in project mode all the time.  Sometimes, I will literally stand above my bed at night waiting to get in it.  I have to tell Drew to yell at me to get into my bed so that I just stop what I am doing and just lay. 

So here is my resolution and hopefully one I can really get behind and not just pay lip service to.  

Even though I live in New York and am totally and completely crazy and overbooked on any given day, I am going to try to live in a way that is completely true to myself.  I am going to try to adopt a total anti-New York attitude in terms of lifestyle and spending habits.

I am going to try to live the life I want to live.  A life that would be easier to live if I was not in New York.  A low key life where things are not valued as much as living a good life.  I am going to follow my own pace, set achievable goals, sit on my couch every now and then, not feel compelled to spend eight hundred dollars on shoes, not renovate my house because that's what everyone else does, talk with my girls more about things that don't cost money, and not get caught up in gossip.  Well, maybe just a little gossip here and there.

That's it.  That is my most major resolution and the one I am going to try the hardest to stick to. 

I have to. 

I have to, if I want to live the kind of life that I want to live.  Wish me luck...

 

What was your most challenging resolution? 

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

I apologize for my lack of communication so far this week but I have been ridiculously busy preparing for Christmas along with trying to keep up with the girls and their sports, well actually just Belle and her sports, the sports that I had every reason to believe were going to be on hiatus until the spring. 

Not so.  Turns out there are winter leagues.

One of my heyMamas goals for 2011, is to try and post quick things here and there instead of trying to compose the perfect most well intended post every time.  I have said this before I know, but then I always get caught up in thinking that it has to be perfect when in fact some of my favorite blogs are made up of quick little blurbs that take all of five seconds to read, which I actually like better.

Short, sweet and to the point and don't require more than five minutes of my life.  Almost like a tweet, but a little better. 

So here it is for today and I guess I am getting a head start on tackling my 2011 goals which would also explain why after an entire summer of consuming wine on the beach I am now doing Jillian Michaels DVD's in the middle of winter:

As I put the girls to bed tonight in anticipation of Christmas, Lily started singing Santa Claus is coming to town, he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good so you better be good for heaven's sake, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town.....

Belle barrels into the room and says AND THAT'S HOW THE BIG BOY DOES IT Y'ALL.

Vintage Belle.

Goodnight y'all and sweet dreams.

Travel as a Life Lesson

Before I had kids, I use to daydream about the beautiful places we would take them on vacation.  At the time, I wasn't working and Drew had a flexible work schedule, so one month every year in another country, didn't seem all that far fetched. 

A flat in Paris, a villa in Tuscany, an apartment overlooking the Danube, it didn't matter.  My goal was to spend one month living as the locals do, immersing ourselves in their daily life.  I couldn't even conceive of any other method that would deliver that type of educational and life experience to my girls. 

Then came 9/11 and the world changed, and really who am I kidding, then came the kids.  And the change in time zones, and the cost of the four plane tickets, and lugging car seats on the plane, and the lack of sleep that all of this would be accompanied by, and slowly the appeal of traveling to another country with kids, lost some of its lustre.

Although now, the girls are coming to an age where we could probably take them abroad and have a fantastic time.  Ever since Lily heard that I climbed the Eiffel Tower she is obsessed with doing the same, plus throw in the burning desire to don a real French Beret, an image that has haunted her since her friend got one when her parents returned from France, and she will hear of nothing other than Paris.

My eagerness to take the girls to other countries is the belief that traveling is the most fascinating way to learn.  Who wants to lean about Paris from the pages of a text book when you could be sitting in a quaint french cafe in the 6th arrondissement sipping on a latte, wearing a genuine french beret?

Traveling opens your mind and adds layers of sophistication that you could never get any other way.  Nothing else in the world offers what travel offers. 

I am also a firm believer in that sometimes, kids need to miss school to participate in life.  And that participation could come as travel, or spending a day at work with a parent, or let's say going to the premiere of the latest Harry Potter film in Times Square.

So tomorrow night when I should be at the girls parent teacher conferences, I have opted to be in Times Square at the premiere of the latest installment in the Harry Potter series. 

Besides, one could argue that traveling to Times Square, especially when I already work in Times Square, could possibly hold more value than a trip to the 6th arrondissement donning a French Beret.