heyMamas

Precious cargo

We had Chipotle for dinner tonight which is hands down my all time biggest obsession at the moment.  I know saying 'all time' makes it sound like my 'all time favorite' and then I contradict myself by saying, at the moment, but I think you get where I am going with this. 

I am currently obsessed for what will probably be many future dinners on many future nights for years to come with Chipotle.

And it doesn't stop at Chipotle, oh no it doesn't.  I am equally as obsessed with the vegetarian nachos at Moe's Southwest Grill.  Come to think of it, my Moe's veggie nachos might even mean more to me than my Chipotle veggie burrito bowl.

Whatever. 

My point is we love Chipotle and I am not alone in this, the girls and Drew are in on it too, although the only thing that Lily eats are the giant plain tortillas and tonight she ate two {2} giant plain tortillas and four {4} pancakes left over from breakfast this morning, so we made her take two additional fiber tablets so she doesn't blow a hole in her bottom if you catch my drift.

 

And this is how dinner traveled home from the restaurant this evening.  I think the girls payed more attention to our foods seat belt than their own.

Not your run of the mill housewife

My good friend posted this on Facebook a while back and for some reason I just thought about it the other day, quite possibly, in a moment where I myself was feeling like a suburban housewife. 

I wanted to share it here with you on the off-chance that you might just find it humorous and perhaps will provide you with a laugh, even if it's just a small one, but I WARN, it can be crass and downright appalling.  

I did find it way more entertaining the second time around as the first time I watched it, my mouth literally hung open the whole time in total disbelief.

Okay, enough already... I'll get on with it and allow you to make your own decisions... 

Smash or crash?

Potato, patata?

A friend of mine sent me a bit about contrarian academic Stanley Fish's New York Times blog, where he discussed the phrases currently in our modern language that he finds most annoying, although they do serve a certain function in society therefore making them necessary, such as "can I put you on hold," "sold out" and "to be continued".

The phrases listed below are the ones that he finds unnecessary and insufferable and I myself agree but still use them all the time. 

He claims the following phrases not only 'grate on the ear' but also 'deliver no vital information at all'. 

He sounds like such a snob.  

 

And the first one is...

It is what it is....

Dude says:       This newcomer is the epitome of an ear-grating phrase that means nothing.

I say:              I say this ALL the time when I don't know what else to say.  Like.. "yeah that sucks, it is what it is..."

It's all good....

Dude says:        The inclusion of "all" only accentuates how much you don't mean what you are saying.

I say:             This I don't say unless I am trying to be down with the hommies, homies, homeis?  Is that how you spell it, or is it homies with only one m?

 

To be honest...

Dude says:      Not only is this phrase usually followed by something best left unsaid, but it also implies everything else you say is dishonest.

I say:             Couldn't have said it better myself and I couldn't agree more, plus the way he say it makes me laugh.

 

No offense...

Dude says:     A phrase even more insincere than it is superfluous.

I say:             I never say this one because no matter what you say after 'no offense' it is usually still offensive.

 

Whatever...

Dude says:      In a recent survey, 47 percent of Americans chose this word compound as the most annoying phrase of all.  Meaning you have permission to smack anyone who uses it and isn't a 12-year-old girl. (And it's a close call on smacking any 12-year-old girl who uses the "w" word.) 

I say:             I would tend to agree although AGAIN, use it all the time.  Mostly in text messages when I am mad.      

 

Don't get me wrong...

Dude says:      Isn't it implicit in most human communication that your intention is always to be correctly understood?"

I say:             Yeah, I am with you on that one.  I still say it though.

 

With all due respect...

Dude says:     Really?

I say:             Another one I never use, it just sounds stupid.

 

Everything happens for a reason..

Dude says:      A completely worthless utterance that probably doubles as a vicious taunt to those who have undergone terrible hardships.

I say:             WHAT? NO, we can't say this one...I built my life around this, I don't understand??

 

Share...

Dude says:      At the end of the day you will be preparing for bed.

I say:             (Scrunched up confused face), I don't get it.  What does he mean

 

Going forward...

Dude says:     Saying this is like announcing your next footstep.

I say:             I ALWAYS say this after a fight with Drew.

 

 

And then a random joke because hey, why not?  I already stole others people's material for this post so why not steal one more and what woman in her right mind can't relate to this...

 

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when John,  a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered.  He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. 
  
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her (as all men will).  Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00 on one condition".

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
  
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address.  She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said...
   

"Clean my house."

Voluntary torture

If I have to run errands on the weekend I usually end up taking the girls with me as opposed to running them by myself which of course would be much more efficient.  But instead I choose to torture myself.  If I didn't bring them with me that's time that I don't get to be with them and my policy is not to be without them on the weekends.

The torture part is that each and every time I DO take them out, I swear I will never do it again.  The pictures below show what they do to me or really just what Belle does to me although Lily has her moments as well. 

I end up walking around the store muttering under my breath the ENTIRE time 'why, WHY do I bring them with me, WHY??

And then I end up doing it all over again the next weekend. 

We were fine at this point...

 

And then Belle started to get a little bored...

 
 
She started experimenting with wrapping herself up with the pull out thing that they use to block off a closed aisle.  And then got stuck. 

Eventually she freed herself, although it was without my help because I wasn't entirely opposed to her being stuck in that position as I even contemplated capitalizing on the moment and getting some additional shopping done.

 

Before I could pull her back over towards me she walked over to a free checkout station and started ringing up all her imaginary friends. 

Never a dull moment.

Is that the wind I hear?

Belle was called out into the hallway today by her teacher for 'possibly' being mean to Steven.  They have a history of fighting and being mean to each other because duh, they are nine and they like each other and that's what nine year olds do.

"So we are definitely on a better road now.  A more positive road, not the rocky road anymore but the other one, the smooth one.  We are on the smooth road now."

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And at the same time, down the hall in Lily's classroom, the following was unfolding:

"So I called my friend Ab today and she wouldn't turn around and look at me.  I said Abigail I am so sorry, so so sorry.  But she wouldn't turn around.  I thought Ab was a good short name for Abigail but she thought I was making fun of her and she wouldn't answer me.  She wouldn't turn around and look at me.  And then she went and told the teacher that I was making fun of her name and I wasn't at all.  I wouldn't do that."

***************************************************************************************

And then it was my turn because I was ripe for the picking, I mean why not?

Belle walked over to Lily's dinner plate and picked up a garlic knot, which in our house as you may know, we refer to it lovingly as a garlic NUT, so Belle walked over and picked up Lily's garlic nut and LICKED it top to bottom and Lily hauled off and hit her.  Hit her HARD and then they both started crying.  Lily cried about her licked garlic nut and Belle cried about the stinging pain she was feeling from the hit Lily unleashed on her. 

Belle looked at me for support and wanted me to reprimand Lily for using physical touching and I was all, "I am sorry Belle but you LICKED her garlic nut.  I am not sure that I can tell her she shouldn't have hit you, you licked her garlic nut from top to bottom for no good reason."

"YOU LOVE HER MORE.  If that were me you would have yelled at me and punished me for using physical touching and you aren't even yelling at her."  Belle screamed at me.

As I tried to explain to her, very calmly without raising my voice which seems to get under her skin more than when I yell back, that she licked her sister's food for no reason and if her sister would have done the same thing I would not have been able to help her either. 

"I can't entirely prevent her from hitting you and I can't entirely disagree with her for being upset with you for licking her garlic nut...."

"Is that the wind I hear?"  Belle asks.

Holy shit, did I just get shut down by my nine year old daughter for talking too much?