heyMamas

Truth Or Dare

I don't know how it happens, but we always seem to have the most inappropriate conversations in our house at dinnertime.

I mostly believe it is more just the girls being naturally curious about life and all of its treasures, rather than inappropriateness, but sometimes it's downright hard to judge. 

Take last night for example, Lily stood up on her chair in the middle of dinner and told us what a penis looks like. 

"It is sort of long, and has this like shaggy area {arms gesturing wildly} and then like a cap on the top with a hole."

Belle also weighed in, "yeah, it's like this long thing and ohmygod it is so gross....{hysterical laughter}....."

How Lily actually knew the level of detail that her demonstration provided, causes me great, great concern as well as ridiculous amounts of laughter. 

And then it was only a matter of time before the conversation took a quick turn to their latest fascination, Truth or Dare. 

The other day it started innocently enough with Lily asking "Mom, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth" I answered.

Lily, "Do you pick your nose?"

"Of course" I replied, "all the time."  I really don't, I swear, but I do like to see their reaction to their Mother totally grossing them out. 

This innocent back and forth turns into...

Belle asking, "Truth or Dare?"

Me answering, "Truth."

Belle, "has Daddy ever touched your vagina?"

No answer.

Lily, "Truth or Dare?"

Me, "Truth."

Lily, "have you ever touched Daddy's penis?"

 

No answer, but they press on...

How old were you were you did your first open mouth kiss, how old were you when you saw a penis, how old were you when you first had a boyfriend.....

 

And then Belle brought it down Belle-Style.

Belle, "Dad, Truth or Dare?"

Drew, "Dare."

Belle,  "I dare you to go into your room and have sex with Mommy."

Game over.

More of the Same

The subject of sex is not a new one in our house, as shown here.  It started off innocent enough, but has been building ever since, and then came to a head where I had to reveal the truth here, and now every so often the subject rears its head, yet AGAIN and off we go.

 

What is it about sex that keeps everyone so interested?

 

The conversations that I have with each of my girls at bedtime are so radically different from one another as Belle edges closer to becoming a teenager.

 

When I tuck Lily in and lay in her bed, she clutches me and tells me she can't wait to get older so we can hang out and go shopping together.  We hug for what feels like hours, and I soak in every minute.

 

We profess our undying love for each other and then hug and clutch some more. 

 

When I tuck Belle in, it's a different story.

 

So last night when I tucked her in, she asked her normal series of questions about life and love and eventually it always leads back to some giddy questions about sex.

 

"When you get married, do you share a room with your husband?" she asked.  

 

 "Yes."  I answered.

 

"So like, you don't have your own room anymore?  Ever?"

 

"No you don't, unless either one of you snores really loud," I said, "but you want to be with your husband, that's why you married him."

 

"That's weird." she said and pondered the thought of that for a few moments.

 

Then this...

 

"Mom, how about when he puts his penis in you? Is it gushy or does it feel good?"

 

Oh my god, I am about to die with this question!!

 

I try everything I can, to not actually have to answer it.  So I don't say anything and with Belle that's usually not a problem because she forgets about it and continues on in her own world babbling something about how inappropriate doing that 'sort of thing' is.

 

But then she makes her way back to it, shocking. 

 

I tell her if that I had not done that yucky thing, then she wouldn't be here because that's how you make babies.

 

She was like, "ewww, I don't want to be involved in that, like at all."

 

That works for me I think to myself, and continued tucking her in. 

 

"Ok baby, good night" I say and she says, "Mom can I ask one more question?  When you kiss Daddy do you open your mouth because you need to breathe?  Is that why everyone opens their mouth when they kiss for so long, because they need to breath so desperately??"

Belle's Dreams

Belle has been doing this thing lately where she gets up about two hours after she has gone to bed and comes into me and Drew's room and says completely random things. 

One night around the holidays, she came into our room, opened our closet door and walked in muttering something, turned and shut the door.  About one minute later, Drew and I jumped up from the bed and opened the door where we found her sitting on the floor, we asked her what she was doing, she simply answered "wrapping presents", she then got up, walked right past us out of the closet and into the bathroom.

We put her back to bed and that was that.

The next time this happened, {which Drew and I have now determined is a mild form of sleep walking, mild because she isn't heading to the kitchen and whipping up a sandwich}, she came in and just sat on the bed next to Drew and stared at him.  We were sleeping so it was a little unnerving and creepy at the same time. 

We put her back to bed and told her everything was okay. 

The last time she did this, and thankfully it has been at least a month, she came into my room and went into the bathroom.  She told me their was a limo outside and it was really keeping her awake because the music was so loud. 

"Really?" I asked and went to her room to look out the window.  We do have a teenage girl living next door after all so it is entirely possible.  But sure enough, there was no limo outside.

I went back into the bathroom and said, "baby, there is no limo outside."

And she said as she put her hands on her head and jerked her head back and forth, "oh weird, because I can't get this BOOM, BOOM, BOOM outta my head.  Just BOOM, BOOM, BOOM all night."

We told her about this in the morning and she laughed hysterically as did Drew and I as we remebered how funny she looked with her hands on her head, jerking it back and forth. 

Knowing Belle as many of you do that read this blog, you know how very appropriate it is to Belle and her personality that she is dreaming about limo's with music blasting from them. 

Trouble is in my future for sure.

Lily would have dreamt about reading a five hundred page book.

Sensitivity or More Accurately A Total Lack Of...

Lily learned about sensitivity in her classroom last week. 

So the concept of sensitivity was thrown around quite a bit in our household due to this sensitivity super lesson....do you see what I mean?  I said sensitivity twice in that last sentence alone. 

Uh, there it is again.  Sensitivity.

Anyway, sorry if I am being insensitive and going on and on...

One of the stories Lily told us about was a day at school when she and her friend had brought in the lunch crate that holds all of the lunch boxes.  After they brought in the crate, they were quickly called out by another member of their group for not being "sensitivity."

"You always take the lunch crate in?"  the little girl said to Lily and her friend in a very accusatory tone.

They answered back, "well, we can help it if we got to it first."

"Well, you always get to do it and that's just not fair!" they continued on.

 

Just for the record people, they have only taken the lunch crate back into the class twice so far this year, or so they tell me, once in the beginning and then the other day.  The other little girl has taken it in once.

 

So yes, in percentages it seems grossly unfair I suppose.

FIFTY PERCENT MORE.

They have had fifty percent more action with the lunch crate than their little friend and to a second grader that is a very big UNFAIR deal.

Life is so unfair.

There is no sensitivity in that percentage.

 

"Sorry" Lily answered back again when the little girl told her she wasn't being sensitivity.

Because I found this story so compelling along with the misuse of the word sensitivity over and over again so charming, I asked Lily if I could tape it so that I could always remember it. 

I think she knew EXACTLY what I was planning on doing with this so-called recording for memory sake, so she said, "NO!!  I want to tell you a story without you writing it down for once!!"

{I don't know how the heck she thinks this blog gets written, I mean seriously.}

And BAM, total lack of sensitivity on my part right there.  Right there!

Guilty as charged.

Had I not been listening to her this whole entire time, she wondered????

AND THEN Drew secretly took my cell phone and started taping the rest of her story, but the record button made this loud beeping noise and the jig was up. 

Cover SO blown.

 

Lily made her way over to the couch, curled up into a ball, and cried for twenty minutes about how we didn't listen to her wishes and "ohmygod we were so not sensitivity."

Pervert ?

Last night at dinner, in the middle of a meaningful family conversation, Belle busts out with, "what's a pervert?" 

Drew and I exchange confused looks, and I wonder where this word and line of questioning has originated from.  I tell Drew this one is all his since I just did the sex talk.

Drew responds, "a pervert is someone who acts socially deviant, meaning they act out of of bounds and improperly."

I sit there rolling my eyes and ask him to translate that to something a ten year old can comprehend. 

But before I let him translate, I jump in and offer my dumbed down version of a pervert. 

"A pervert could be an old man looking inappropriately at maybe a young girl or a young boy."

Belle of course, starts laughing hysterically which is usally what she does when she hears things that sound weird to her.

"Is Granddad a pervert ?" she asked.

"No Belle", I answer, "Granddad is not a pervert just because he is an older man."

Lily chimes in after a surprisingly long period of silence, "soo, what's a permid again?"

Then we all start laughing and Belle finds this permid, just the fuel for her hysterical laughter...

While Belle is busy laughing, Lily starts asking more questions, "Mom, I think your Grandmother is a per-med."

This exchange continued on back and forth between the two girls, Belle laughing hysterically with her one eyed pirate laugh, while Lily questioned if each and every person we have ever come into contact with could potentially be a pervert or a per-med or a per-ved, the word kept changing each time she said it.

 

A little later on that night when we were almost certain that the pervert subject had been covered and closed, Drew put his arm around Belle's shoulders and she replied nonchalantly, "get off me you pervert."