heyMamas

I'll have the dentist that he's having

You would have to be living under a rock to have not seen or heard about this little boy's visit to the dentist, but HOLY SHIT does this not totally belong in Mama's Ding Dongs?

Ding Dongs?

So the other day while I was in bed composing one of what I like to call my 'dumb posts' which are written just because.....and I asked Drew for his assistance in helping me come up with a category name that would duly fit the subject, as well as allow me to house all of these said 'dumb posts' in one centrally located place.

I am not sure if you've noticed, but I try to keep things at heyMamas laid out in a way that allows a theme to be established, the theme of course is that of me being a Mama. 

And the concept behind the name heyMamas is first and foremost the way my girls so loving shriek from the opposite side of the house as they summon me to fetch their latest desire, imagine "hey MAAAAMMMAAA" and secondly the way my girlfriends and I greet each other upon meeting, like "heyMama, wassup?".  Or perhaps one day when we are feeling particularly saucy, we may throw off a few "hey hot Mama, what's going on?"  We like to shake it up sometimes, ya know 'cause that's just how we roll it out here in NYC.

So in keeping with that theme, I have named my categories accordingly.  For example, Mama's Murals, which may highlight a particular picture that I am enjoying at the moment.  Or Mama's Musts, a listing of the other blogs that I read on a daily basis, or New York Nuisance, which is comprised of the posts where I bitch mostly about tourists visiting our great city and mucking it all up.  Or Mama's Musings, for the days where I just want to sit and write in a free-flowing contemplative manner.  There is also Mama's Mail,for that special somethin', somethin' written for my girls or maybe even Drew.   

So to round out the categories and to file away all of my stupid little nuggets, Drew came up with Mama's Ding Dongs.  I am not exactly sure what he was thinking about when he suggested it......but if you say it out loud and then let it hang in the air for a second, you may have a tough time determining what your feelings are about it, just as I have.  But ya know what, the more I repeat it out loud and let it just dangle weirdly in the air, the more I like it and can see how it fits just perfectly into the Mama Mix. 

I guess that's exactly just the kind of inspiration that loving, doting husbands can provide.

Best use for a Mensa mind

Just for shits and giggles AND because it's Monday and you know what comes next when I start out by saying, Because it's Monday.........yup, you got it............because they suck and this is funny.   The words listed below are from the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supplying a new definition. And the winners ARE: 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. . 3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people which stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.   8. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 9. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 10. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 11. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.   The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners of that thrilling competition ARE: 1. Coffee, (n.): The person upon whom one coughs. 2. esplanade, (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk. 3. Willy-nilly, (adj).: Impotent. 4. Negligent, (adj.): Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 5. Flatulence, (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 6. Balderdash, (n.): A rapidly receding hairline. 7. Testicle, (n.): A humorous question on an exam. 8. Pokemon, (n.): A Rastafarian proctologist. 9. Frisbeetarianism, (n.): The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 10. Circumvent, (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

**Supplied to me by my extremely funny friend Liza. 

To the best thirteen years of my life

Thirteen years ago today, Drew walked into my life when he walked into the restaurant that I was waiting tables at.  I knew from the minute I saw him, that he would be the type of guy that I would fall hopelessly in love with and then would just as quickly have my heart broken. 

He was my perfect man, at least from a physical standpoint.  He was tall and being an ex-college football player, he was a large man with lots of muscles. The kind of big guy that when you are a struggling New York City actress or as many like to call it, a waitress, you would want a man like this to hold you and not let anything bad happen to you.  The type of guy that would make you feel safe no matter where you were or what was happening around you.

On top of it all, he had long hair.  Not the Bo Bice American Idol long hair, but long hair that girls in their early twenties who love bad boys, could not possibly resist.  For me I would say it was love at first sight, or perhaps more accurately, lust at first sight, yes definitely lust and it didn't help any that he was also the muscle at the place.  Drew was the bouncer and his job was to control the chaos, and we are talking about the chaos that comes in a very crowded Upper East Side post collegiate bar where every guy in there thinks they are the shit. 

He threw people out that needed to go and man did he look cool doing it.  Drew is the type of guy that won't use his physical strength if he doesn't have to.  He is more comfortable using his wit and sensibilities than his physical strength, but it was just so sexy knowing that he could do both if there was a situation that called for it.  One look at the offender and they would pretty much just get up and walk out. 

That first night, the hostess introduced us and as the weeks wore on and our conversations deepened, I realized that Drew was so much more than just a hot piece of ass.  He was multi-dimensional and more than just an ex-jock who would break my heart.  I was always so impressed and amazed at the fact that he didn't play games.  EVER.  He was such a man from the moment we met which was an experience that was so alien to me as a twenty-four year old girl.  

My parents came to see my that first weekend we met and as they were driving me to my morning brunch shift at the restaurant, I told them that I had met the man that I was going to marry.  For some reason, I just knew that after all the heartache that I had experienced throughout the years, that possibly Drew was the end of the road for me. 

All of the other waitresses would constantly approach me and say, "are you guys together, are you dating now?" or "wow, what did you do to get him to like you?, Drew never really likes anyone around here."  I would always answer by just simply shaking my head and saying something along the lines of "I am not sure."  On the inside I would just thank God that this was actually happening to ME and not somebody else. 

Here we are thirteen years to the day that we met, one third of my life spent with this man, and I am still as in love with him as ever.   

Better than fiction

Lily:  "Mama, if I eat a germ will that make me sick?"

Me:  "What do you mean eat a germ?"

Belle:  "Like she means, if she touches something that has germs and then puts it in her mouth or then touches something else, will that germ make her sick?"

Me:  "Probably.  Yeah, let's try not to touch germs and then touch our mouths."

Lily:  "Does it matter how big the germ is?"

Belle:  "Ah, yeah of course."

Lily:  "What if I get really, really sick because I ate a gigantic germ?"

Belle:  "Duuuuhhhhh, so don't eat germs."

Lily:  "What if it was not just a germ, but a really big thorny germ?"

Belle:  "Germs are not even THORNY, Lily."

Lily:  "But what if it were gigantic and big and thorny AND I ate it?"