This is a picture that Lily drew of a tree that used her hand as the branches. Between my two girls, I have been through nine years of art projects, which is ALOT of art projects, and I have never encountered this one before. I thought it was quite cute and extremely imaginative.
I wanted to share this picture here today to lighten things up a bit as it has been raining in New York City for the last 24 hours and it could not be more crappy outside. I am almost certain that the snacks in my pantry are currently floating. We noticed a leak the last time it rained which caused the paint on the shelf directly above the snacks to hang so low, it was practically taking up residence on the snack shelf. When the rain stopped, the paint retracted and went back to being on the shelf the way it should. It was both strange and disturbing.
The reason I am somewhat shocked at what I deem an innovative art project, is that I am presently struggling with some aspects of the girls school that I am bothered by. The first being how strict and old school it is, which interestingly enough are the two reasons I enrolled them in this school.
Here's the positive, I love that the school is small. I love that the principal and all of the teachers know my children so well. I love uniforms. I love the after-care program. I love the parent involvement, although NOT the type of parent involvement that encourages me to chair an event, AS IF.....let's do the math, 50 hour work weeks, two children with homework, two sport practices a week, study time for average of 2 to 3 tests a week, gym workout's, dinner preparation and a house to maintain, not to mention keeping up with my writing here at heyMamas. Throw in trying to steal a few moments alone with each of my girls. Chair an event? yeah, ok.
Wow, paging Dr. Freud. It would seem by these bold statements of mine, that I have an entirely separate set of issues concerning parents that think I should chair an event. I can certainly see their point, as I myself wish that I had more time to give to get involved at school. The reality of being a working mother with so many responsibilities, is that I have to make choices, and chairing an event is just not a choice that I can choose at this point in life. I would enjoy switching places with some of those Moms one day though, so I can see them do what they suggest so easily to me.
What I don't love, the amount of projects and homework they get every day. The amount of tests they have each week. Reading ten books and completing four book reports this summer, as well as the 250 page workbook due the first week of school. And imagine out of 250 pages, Belle left about 10 blank and received a check minus for the ENTIRE assignment. A check minus, that book went everywhere with us this summer, and she gets a check minus for leaving out 10 pages! You bet your ass we finished up those pages when we got that grade back and re-sbmitted it the following Monday. And got a check...
After talking to a few parents on the soccer field this past weekend, which has become a second home to us, I have arrived at the conclusion that our school is really tough and I am ambivalent about it. I am questioning, is really tough, really necessary in the third grade? Are four tests in ONE week, really necessary? Is having my daughter come home crying, saying she did her best and still didn't do as good as she wanted to, really necessary? (and I won't put the grade here out of my duty to protect her, but she was right to cry.) Is barely having time to go to basketball practice one night a week because of too much homework and studying, really necessary? My feelings do not extend to Lily as her curriculum is a kindergarten curriculum. Although we hear she will also have a 150 page workbook to complete this summer.
Before I had children, I swore that I would not get caught up in pushing my children in ways I had seen countless other parents do. I never over-scheduled them, I allowed for plenty of unstructured, free play time so they could just let their imaginations lead them. What I wanted most for my children was to simply be well adjusted and happy. Diligent and hard working, but not to the point of pushing them so hard that a rebellion would ultimatley ensue during their teen years. I wanted them to be inspired by others and to set them up in a place that would foster all of these beliefs.
I am struggling because I don't know if I have done that. I don't know if that even exists actually. All I see is homework and studying and tests and tutoring and kids getting pushed and pulled in so many different directions. I love their school for the most part, but I am really having a hard time agreeing with all of the homework and ALL of the tests. As one parent pointed out this weekend, if they are having so many tests, when do they have time to learn anything? And are they learning concepts or just memorizing words and class notes?
When I was a third grader, we took standardized tests just as they do today. After the teacher received the results from my tests, she approached my parents and informed them, that reflective of my test scores, I should be taking the advanced placement classes (.....in third grade). I remember talking to my Mom about it and explained that I didn't want to be in the advanced classes. I did sports and thought that the curriculum would be too hard for me and would leave me with no time for anything else. I think that is a typical answer for a kid that age. I certainly don't know too many third graders who would say, "yes, please put me in the hardest class and pile on so much homework that I will not have time for anything else." I firmly believed that I did not belong in those classes.
What sticks with me though, is that my Mom didn't push me. She listened to me and valued what I said. I grew up in a community that was very competitive. There was a great deal of affluence and along with that comes a sense of entitlement and lots of pushy parents. Parents that expected their child to be the best, to have the best, to do the best. Looking back, I can see clearly that my Mom was so confident in the two of us, that she didn't push me. She let me make the decision and she listened to me, even though what I wanted may have been different than what she wanted.
For you parents out there that don't already know it, that is a very hard thing to do. Many times, what we as parent's want gets in the way of what the children want, and sometimes it is warranted, be it for safety or health reasons, but most times what parents want trumps what children want. Although, I suppose as they grow and become stronger in their individuality, that will dissipate.
Sadly, after all of the spewing forth I have just done, I am not any closer to a resolution. I am still confused as to what is too much for a third grader, or even a kindergartener. In this world of private school educations and the degree of competitiveness that exists, how hard should we be pushing our children to succeed? That is my real issue, as I know some aspect of pushing is completely neccessary so as not to raise us some useless couch potatoes. I guess the best I can do, is to adjust my gameplan as I watch my little angels develop and try to be there to listen to THEM and not just hear what I think they are saying.
